I sat in the meadow, the same meadow that my brother, Cole and I, used to try catch fireflies or magic star bugs, or ghosts, whatever name you wished to use. It was the same thing just different forms within our own little minds. I had no idea how long I sat out here, staring up at the sky, my legs out in front of me, my head looking up I was always looking up.
I used to wonder if it was because I had always wanted to escape to the stars because some part of me was hoping that somewhere out there was an end to all the pain. There were no miracle answers I had learned that a long time ago, or so I had thought till I met him. My father had come and in one moment he had restored my hope in miracles. Without him i would have never been looking for magic star bugs. Truth be told I would have more than likely been dead. Because when one gives up hoping, dreaming, they have nothing left, and it is that moment when they stop fighting. When their is no one to fight for, no one to make proud, and no one to help them to dream for a better future. Without hope we fade away.
And it had been that which I had felt taken away at that moment. The man who had been larger than life and had swooped in to save me. That man who had taken a little girl with no hope and given it to her had been lost in a moment and the world had turned black, if only for a moment. And in that moment I could feel myself fall into the dark and I hadn't wanted to drag everyone along. Xander can say whatever he wants he has his own dark. And to say mine was invalid because he thought it was silly. Well, that is something I don't think I can forgive
I had understood the anger. I had deserved that. I had broken my word. I would have understood that. But, I am not something he needs to force to see the world his way. To think he should take it upon himself to teach me how I should think or feel about something because he thinks I should be grateful. I am grateful. It doesn't change the fact that I had a moment of forgetting because of my pain. He called me a child for it and yet he was also doing the same thing. He was letting the fact that I had thrown away what he would have been so happy to have had away in his mind cloud his emotions. So, the hell with it.
It might be more complex than that just as it was with me. However, he hadn't wanted to listen, he had only wanted to judge. And so I had left with a heavy heart, hoping he would find my father because I wanted to honor my promise to Ky. But, fearing that I might have made the man only withdraw back into his work because that was just so much easier even though I was horrid for doing it myself.
I had stayed as I was forever just looking up. It might be said I was ignoring the pain that was shooting through my body. I hadn't wanted to acknowledge what it meant.I knew even as the black ooze dropped down my cheek as it had been from my eyes for longer than I cared to admit. It mean that it was back. Irial had warned me. He had said I left too early. I had to make sure everything was alright. He had made me say I would come back or return to my grandmother's kingdom under the sea. But,one thing led to another and soon I had pushed it to the back of my mind, but now it was just too late.
I had meant to do it. I really had but situation after situation had happened. He had said that I wasn't healed and if things got too bad it would return. My body wouldn't be able to fight it off. And everything lately had taken it's toll. The sludge was moving down my cheek as I wiped it away. I was so tired of fighting. But, I wasn't about to stop either. I moved to stand up only to notice the dark energy moving up my leg. The pain shoot through my body from the black and the energy, the same energy that keep me safe when I had went into the Void was still moving up my body.
I made my way towards the path. I needed to get back home. I had waited too long. Sometimes, you just don't want to face the truth. The truth that was in my mind at this moment was people screw up. And to think that you don't to think you know better is wrong. And that is why I was so mad. That is why despite all my feelings I know....I want people in my life that know how to forgive. I didn't fail my father because I left. I failed him because I hadn't been able to forgive him for his mistakes. I needed to tell him that. However, I wouldn't make it back.
Instead, the dark energy overcome me and carried me away. I wasn't able to call out to anyone all I was able to do was direct where it sent me. I think it wanted to protect me from the ooze that was now seeping out of my eyes and making it so I could no longer see. Irial said it would be worst this time and it was I could barely form a thought. However, I vanished to Astoria. I knew if anyone or thing could fix it, it was the mermaid's pool. However, before I would fall into the dark seeking comfort for now, I sent that one word to my father. So, he would know where to find me.