I walked this path a thousand times before growing up. First, when I lived with my mother and later when I came to live on my own. With the Giese family, my real family charged with my care, forced to keep it a secret from the world. It was my secret place when I was little. My mother would leave me to my own devices and I would climb out the window of my room and wander through the woods. The animals my only company. I can still remember the first time I saw the fire flies. The dancing lights from my window it was them that gave me the courage to first travel the outside world of my estate. I remember looking out the window and seeing the first light. A tiny flicker across the pane as my eyes blinked, thinking that a tiny star must have fallen from the heavens for a moment to see me.
I was sure that was what happened but then there was another and another. The dancing lights causing me to push my tiny hands against the window trying to hear them. I could hear them singing through the pane just the tiniest of whispers against my ear. My tiny face smiling at the soft, playful song. I wanted to hear it louder. I pushed and pushed at the window trying with all my might to open it. I succeeded as I managed to barely push it open only to have it shut on me the second I let go to try and climb through. One can only imagine my annoyance at the whole thing I was quite besides myself, stomping my tiny foot as was my custom when something irked me.
I needed a better plan. It was then that I remembered where I had found some magic dust hidden in a drawer in the other room. Okay, it might not be hidden but to my little mind it was a treasure and treasures you see were always hidden. So, I ran to recover the treasure. Magic dust you see is magic it can do all sorts of things if you know how to use it. I held the vial to my chest as I ran back to the window. One might ask why I didn't just use the door? Well, that was quite obvious. One must use the window when sneaking out to chase floating, star bugs. I was convinced that was exactly what they were. Bugs that came from the stars, and she lights was the stardust that they brought with them. It reflected you see. I always did have a thing for star dust.
I wasn't sure how to make the dust work. I just knew it was magic and magic worked on will. So, I blew the dust at the window and hoped with all my little heart that it would make the window stay open. I think I might have used a bit too much will or magic dust that is I am not sure. Because I ended up blowing the window clear out. I made a face as I looked around as if expecting someone to come rushing in. Not that their was really anyone there but me. Perhaps, a servant or two I am not really sure. I can't help but think their must be someone around just in case. But, at any rate no one came running. So, if they were they must be really sound sleepers.
I pushed a table closer to the hole where the window had once been and looked outside. Trying to find my dancing star bugs. They were still there calling to me to come and dance with them. I climbed out the now broken window and fell out to the other side onto the ground, flat on my back. Looking up as the fireflies danced in the air above me. I held out my hands wanted to reach out and touch them. I wanted them to sprinkle me with star dust so I could become like them and fly away, illuminating the world below me as I speed off to the heavens.
Of course they really don't have star dust but I didn't know that and even if I had I wouldn't have cared. I followed them deeper and deeper into the woods to the place where the stream was being careful not to fall in. I moved around it dancing with my new friends. I was delighted beyond belief. It became my place. The place to go whenever I wanted to feel special. Because it hard not to feel special when dancing amongst the stars.
As the years went on and I suffered more and more I was only able to go when I could muster the strength. Sometimes, I would have to take breaks on the way. I would sit down and the fireflies would dance around me chattering or singing as I would slowly make my way down the path. It continued that way until my father found and saved me from my lonely life. However, for my own good he keep me somewhere else. I wasn't quite as alone because I had servants that I could actually see and people who spent time with me. But, sometimes I would still be alone.
My father got sick and my brother Kieran took over looking after me. The world not knowing I was really his sister they just thought I was a ward of the Giese Clan. However, my father's sickness weighed heavy on me. And I wanted to go to see the fireflies despite having issues of my own that made it hard for me to go places by myself. I didn't care I would crawl if I had too all the way. If I could gather the star dust from my friends I could wish my father well. Because star dust had to be the most powerful of all the magic dust. It came from the stars after all. I was convinced this was true.
So, I crawled out my window now much better at using my own powers to get me out and not blowing up windows in the process. It hurt so much to walk that day but I still did it. I moved on till I fell down and decided I would crawl. I crawled along the fireflies urging me on to the place in the woods. They didn't understand that I believed if I went their I could gather dust from them if I tried really hard to save my father. They just knew I thought that place was magic and it would save him. And so as my friends they would do whatever it took to help me.
Just when I thought I could no longer go on I looked up and who was standing there but my brother Kieran. My brother Colden looking at me from behind him. He didn't say a word at first he simply bent down and lifted me up in his arms. I looked up at him. Someone had told him I had vanished and he had come out to look for me. Cole hadn't wanted to be left behind and neither had my brother Keir who was sitting in a tree at the moment looking down at me. I swear he always did have a thing for heights. He just held me against his chest as he started for home. I started to scream. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to gather stardust.
He seemed perplexed by my actions when he finally said. "What is so important, Ever?"
Looking up at him I said. "I am chasing magic star bugs to get their dust."
He blinked I could see the confusion upon his face. "Magic star bugs? Dust?"
I let out a sigh as I looked at him. Big brothers could be so stupid. I pointed the fireflies. "They are from the stars. And they glow with star dust. If they dance in the magic place in the woods. They might shed the dust and star dust is the most powerful magic dust of all."
He tried really hard not to smile as he spoke to me. "Those aren't star bugs. Those are something else. They don't have magic dust."
"Yes, they do. They have the most powerful dust of all and I will use it to fix father." I said glaring at him for almost smiling.
He stopped and the look that passed his face was one of amazement. However, before he could speak Cole chimed in. "Those aren't star bugs. They are ghosts. They shine from the light of those that have passed to look after those that remain. I should know. They come to my window and my mother is among them."
I stopped and looked at him for a moment. His eyes boring into mine almost daring me to argue. Cole's mother had died when he was four and like me. He wanted the fireflies to be something else. Something that gave him hope. Kieran glanced between the two of us and smiled softly. "They are called fireflies. But, they can be whatever you want. They can be both. Spirits of the dead coming to shine down on those they have lost and come from the heavens. After all who is to say they are limited by where they travel. The goddess works in strange ways and she is light after all."
I glanced at Cole as I reached down to take his hand. "Put me down Kie. I want to dance with Cole and his mother."
He gave me a look that said I wasn't well. But, he did as I asked because well I can be pretty stubborn when I want to. I took my brother's hand as I motioned for Keir to join us. I couldn't keep up for long but I watched the two of them as they chased the fireflies sitting next to Kieran. "Do you think the ghosties could cure papa?" I asked him.
He looked over at me as he watched them chase each other around for a moment. "No, I think that is out of the hands of ghost. Perhaps, sometimes we just have to accept that things happen we don't want."
I nodded my little head as I leaned against him falling asleep. I went many times with my family to dance with the fireflies. Sometimes I would sit and watch others I would run around. As we got older we stopped chasing them and started to just sit and marvel at their beauty. We all know the truth of what they are now. However, in my mind they will always be magic star bugs.
Sometimes, it felt like I had always been chasing fireflies. Chasing that dream that I could never quite reach. It was this thought that had pushed me to come here after all this time. I think it had been years since I had last wandered out this way. All the events of the past few weeks had been weighing on my mind. My father was once again lost and I felt powerless just like back then to save him.
People always see him as this unmovable rock. I have always known better. Because I am the most like him. I have always known that like me. He is broken on the inside. He called my brave in the tavern the other day. I don't feel brave. But, I knew I could no longer keep my demons buried. I had to face them. I had to face Bryce. All this because of a war on some far off world. Okay, it wasn't so far off we go to visit there all the time. It isn't my world. And I wonder how much responsibility if any we have to it. My father says the only thing that keeps us from getting involved is our own moral ideas.
He is right. Though, knowing people are suffering even those not of my own home world hurts. I am pretty sure there is little we can do anyways even if we wanted too. I watched the woods on that screen in the tavern be changed into something else. They were beautiful, alien different and for that someone tried to destroy them and at the cost of their own people in some cases. I think that one doesn't destroy their own soul to win. What is the point of that? And why because it was different? It was this that led me to the conclusion that I needed to talk to Bryce. Had I done the same with him? Had I hated him because he didn't act like I thought? He had done horrible things to people? But, what if we caused those things? What if in our efforts to see nothing but the bad we had created the monster?
This thought had weighed on my mind. I wanted the cycle to stop. I can't stop it for a far off world that is not my own. I can however end it for me. I can let go of the hate. I can try and understand. If need be I can let him free. I continued to move till I come to the fireflies. I sit down crossing my legs as I look up at the sky watching them. The song the same as when I was a girl I can remember the words. I should bring him hear. Perhaps, he can tell me what the fireflies are to him.
I start to sing that song my mind at peace as I wish so much that others could hear it too. Out here there is no one to judge. Their is only the song and the song is eternal. My own voice adding to their own as I hear another's ringing out. I turn to see Cole leaning against the tree. His blonde hair shining in the moonlight his eyes looking at me and for one moment we are as we were as kids. Both lost in the moment as I simply continue to sing. I swear I can see, the glistening of tears in his eyes as I looked down not wanting to scare my brother away. I turn back and he is gone. "I wonder if they are still the spirits of the dead for you as they are still magic star bugs to me." Yes. This is the perfect place to summon Bryce.